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Compulsive incoherant mutterings

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12/21/09 12:24 am - How to Live with a Huge Penis: Advice, Meditations, and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much

For years I struggled with this thing in my pants. I often asked myself if God made it, why did it hurt so many people's wives, sisters, mothers, and girlfriends? It just didn't seem fair. Especially when I supplied enough witty banter and vodka shots to ensure anal was also on the menu. But every time a lady would see it, she'd be like a Mexican nurse who slowly crosses herself and prays as she backs out of the room when a baby with claws for hands is born. However, just as having sex with girls in comas had left me wanting more, I found this book! And it changed my life! No more feeling bad about hearing the muffled cries in the bathroom after sex! No more feeling guilty about those unfortunate stitches! So, thanks "How to Live with a Huge Penis"! Your message of hope has inspired me to share my gift with the world!

12/8/09 12:27 pm - Philosophical stance on zombies

As part of a survey, professional philosophers and graduate students were asked the following question:

Zombies: inconceivable, conceivable but not metaphysically possible, or metaphysically possible?

Conceivable but not metaphysically possible 1139 / 3226 (35.3%)
Metaphysically possible 777 / 3226 (24%)
Inconceivable 607 / 3226 (18.8%)

12/6/09 06:05 pm - Epic Star Trek TNG dub

Do you ever scratch yourself till you have a hole in your bag?

And now a hykue:

I have a business
Installing styrofoam nuns
Fuck a fruit basket

12/4/09 01:34 am - Synthesizer theft is so bad these days

For all you synthesizer Patel fans, I have a present for you. Hope you like it.

11/19/09 03:43 am

11/18/09 03:56 am - Your daily WTF:

8/9/09 05:17 pm

7/20/09 04:08 pm

Ultimate test

Read each of the following fifteen problems carefully. Answer all parts to each problem.
Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.

Describe the history of the papacy from its origin to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on it social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa.
Be brief, concise and specific.

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix.
Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 50 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your desk.

Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodites, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, and Hammurabi.
Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct and experiment to test your theory.

The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find and instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its social-political effects, if any.

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

Create a small rapidly rotating black hole. Investigate and report on its effects on the opto-electric properties of Seaborgium (element #106). Clean up your experiment after you’ve finished.

Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its significance.
Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

Define the universe. Give three examples.

Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

7/19/09 01:20 pm

7/19/09 03:36 am

That is all
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